Sunday 22 January 2012

Valentine Headband/Earwarmer & thoughts on CFS

Better pictures and free pattern to follow but wanted to show you what it's looking like:

I enjoyed making this headband.  It didn't take long to make and spent the rest of the day resting.  I decided to keep to my Valentine theme and give it a shell edge as well as the heart.

I'm thinking of making myself a cowl next, just depends on how I'm feeling :-? 
This throat infection doesn't seem to want to shift.
As soon as hubby is back from walking the dog I'm off to bed.

It will probably be later on in the week before I get chance to post the pattern.

I have just had a conversation with a friend and it has me thinking:

Why do you crochet and if you sell you things why do you do it?

I'm going to have a rant now so if you aren't interested don't worry I don't mind if you don't read it :-)

I started to crochet because I lost all the sensation in my hands for 5 days and only had pins and needles.  I also suffer from CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, also known as M.E.)
as part of this condition I have to take rest breaks regularly.  
When my condition started to get worse and I had to rest more I used to get depressed about the state of the house. I used to get depressed because I felt useless. I would spend many an afternoon crying for the most stupid of reasons.
Since starting to crochet I don't get the pins and needles as much in my hands and arms.  Don't get me wrong I still suffer from it, just not as much.  I do still suffer with the problems in my legs and feet.  I have been tested and I have lost some of the nerve function in my arms and hands but at least I can still crochet at the moment.  I'm due to go for another appointment at the hospital to find out just how bad the damage is and to see if they can diagnose the reason for the nerve damage but the specialist doesn't hold out much hope.
When I rest I used to think a lot and cry a lot, crocheting stopped that. Crochet takes my mind off everything and helps me to relax completely. Don't get me wrong I can't do it all the time, I just spend a couple of hours maximum enjoying my time crocheting on the days where I can.  Some days I am not capable and some days I am.
Some days when I am ill it's the only thing that takes my mind off the pain. 
I sell some of the things I make so that I can afford to buy yarn, patterns etc.  I don't make a profit I just do it so that I can afford to carry on making things.
I am moving over more to writing patterns as this means I get to make things but I only need to make them once to start selling the pattern.  I don't know what the future holds and if my dreams will come try but you don't know if you don't try.
I have set-up websites etc but that is just me, if you are going to do something do your best :-)
I also have my own website as the costs involved with going through other sites were just too great for me to be able to afford it.
Through this blog/website/facebook/twitter I have found some fantastic online help/support & friendship.  each comment I have received has boosted my confidence and mood greatly!
It's funny people see me everyday and see me trying to carry on with as normal life as possible but they are dealing with all the pain, illnesses and issues.  I try to act normal and be as happy as possible because no one wants to hear about my health everyday, it bores me at times! 
Today I am a bit down but that's due to a lack of sleep last night because my throat was so sore.
Next time you hear someone has CFS or ME don't judge them on what you think they have an haven't got judge them on the awful symptoms they are suffering which you can't see.

Just for info I have listed below the symptoms I am suffering from at the moment:

  • Prone to catching viruses, especially upper respiratory and viral infections. There hasn't been a month this year when I haven't had an infection.  My infection are lasting approx 5 weeks at least.
  • Pins and needles in hands & arms (from just below the elbow) and in my legs & feet (from just below the knee) - I still walk normally and type and write normally because I have the pain a lot so you just get used to getting on with things even with the pain.
  • Balance control - I can't count the amount of bruises I have at the moment and also fall and break things a lot more.
  • Pain - I suffer from join and muscle pain, the more fatigued I get the worse I get.
  • Migraines - Medication doesn't help much so have to take very strong medication if I am really bad.  When I have a migraine I react to smells, light, sounds and movement.  I have to take a lot of medication and then go to bed for hours till I am in a state where I can move without screaming in pain and vomiting.
  • IBS - Not even child birth comes close to the pain when I get a really bad attack.  I have ended up in A & E a number of times as I can't get the medication to stay down to stop the spasms in my stomach.
  • Sleep - I can't get into a deep sleep without medication. If I don't take my medication I wake a lot more during the night and when I am asleep I dream all night so wake up worse off.
  • Night Sweats - Hate these, I can wake up to 3 times a night at least on the worst nights dripping in sweat and shivering because I am so cold.
  • Unable to control temperature - If I get too hot it can take up to 3 hours for me to feel like I've cooled down.  In this time I still have a bright red face and am dripping in sweat (I never really sweated until I got this condition so it came as a shock).  No matter what the temp is of a room I can feel either really hot or really cold and it will take a long time before I feel a normal temperature again.
  • Memory - my short term memory is shot.  I write lists and carry a diary but I forget the lists or forget to put things in my diary - go figure.  If my fatigue is really bad I forget words & names & times of day.  I say the wrong word i.e. I'll ask for a square instead of a packet of crisps.
  • Brain Fuzz - When I am at my worst it feels like I can feel the sensation of brain fuzz.  I struggle to hold conversations and in shops I can't take the figure that I owe, look at my cash and figure out what money to give.  I usually pay by card when I think this may happen as I hate it when I give the wrong money in the shop.  I have done it a number of times in our local corner shop.
  • Fatigue - I know I don't get fatigue as bad as some other people but I have always made a promise to myself.  No matter how bad I feel I still make myself get up out of bed.  I might sit on the couch all day but I have to get out of bed. If you've ever had fatigue then you know it's not just being tired.  Even opening and closing your eyelids feels like you are running a marathon.
  • Depression - I'm not perfect and don't have this all under control, something can knock me sideways and put me back.  The big thing that has helped here is the crochet.  When I finish a project it makes me feel sooo happy.  If I get a compliment it makes me feel like I am cloud nine.  I still have bad days and even now I still feel like crying at some things and hiding in my bedroom.  Somedays I don't want to leave the house and I don't want anyone to visit but I work through those days and put a happy face on for the world.  I feel it's ok to break down when I get home on these days.
  • Concentration - I can't watch some of the programs I used to watch, especially if they involve emotions.  I can't always read a book and I can't always crochet. I just can't always follow things and I get angry, frustrated and just give up when I am like that.
  • Noise - If I'm having a bad day I hate noise.  it tires me out soooo quick.  I love sitting in silent rooms.  Not good when you work on the phones all day!
  • I can't have anything with any sugar substitutes in, I am really ill if I do.  I also can't have dairy in the morning and probably shouldn't have it at all.
  • Alcohol - doesn't bother me cause I can't drink anymore, medication made sure I'll never drink again.
  • Weight - This is one of the things that bothers me the most.  I used to be a maximum of 8 stone, used to be!  I now don't even weigh myself because it just upsets me! I know I am at least 4 stone heavy than that.  
My Life, my husbands life and my sons life have all been different due to my condition.  I can't plan a night out anymore, not unless I have the next week to try and recover!

This isn't a feel sorry for me rant.  I have a condition I am luckier than most. 
I am thankful for every good day I have.
I just want everyone to think the next time you see someone don't take them at face value.

P.S. I promise not to rant like this again. I just wanted others to understand what some people are struggling with.

1 comment:

I hope you enjoy the blog!
Thank you ever so much for commenting!
I love reading everything you put and I will try and reply but it just depends on my health.
Thanks Sue