Thursday, 28 February 2013

Honesty

I so want to be honest about everything
that is going on in my life at the moment
but it would be used against me.

Everything I write on here and other
sites is being used against me.

Crocheting and blogging has kept
me going over the last few years.
Getting sick and becoming very disabled
has been hard.
As a mum knowing your son can't do things because of you
is hard. Never mind anything else.
You have all kept me going. Reminding me that no matter
how sick I am I'm still worth something.

I'm seriously ill.  I didn't realise
how serious till I went and saw the dr today.
I knew the lung infection had spread to both lungs.
What I didn't realise is that I was already on the strongest
antibiotics for the condition.
The dr says if this doesn't work he doesn't know
what will help me.
He told me my asthma isn't under control anymore.
I told him about what is going on in the background at
the moment and he told me to forget it.
He said I need all my bodies strength to fight this illness.
He said this is serious!

Yes I'm very scared!
There are also lots of things going on in the background
that I can't tell you about.
I wish I could. You've been here with me through everything.
Crocheting makes me feel worth while.
It takes my mind off the pain, stress and everything else that
goes along with it.
Sitting in a house that is filthy and I can't do anything about
it could send anyone crazy.
Sitting crocheting relaxes me and makes me feel like I'm still worthwhile.
When I design and you love my designs it makes me feel so special!

I have made so many friends in you.
You mean the world to me!
I hope everything in the background gets sorted.
I hope they realise that if it wasn't for my crocheting and blogging
I may not be alive.
I'm not running a business it's my hobby.
I don't make any profit. I try and give as much as I can
to charity. The only problem with a hobby is it costs money.
I've never been in the black.
Blogging and designing has made me feel worthwhile.
This is being used against me
but believe me I am going to keep on blogging.
I'm going to keep on crocheting and hopefully
I'm going to keep on living.

I'm sorry it's such a depressing post but I'm really scared.
I've always tried to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly.
I hope you'll stay with me through this blip.
You all mean the world to me!
You make everything worth while.

Thank You!

Reactions:

29 comments:

  1. I also have chronic asthma. I use Advair the strongest that they have and when I get a lung infection which is often they put me on prednisone which is a steroid which I am sure you know about. You may need a heavy dose and if the doc feels he can't do anything find a new pulmonologist They are out there. A regular doc just does not cut it for this kind of malady. Do you have the start of copd? Do you have emphysema? Kari

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    1. Kari-Lynn, It looks like the steriods have started to work, fingers crossed. I've got a drs appointment on Tuesday so we are going to review my current treatment and where we are going to go from here. Thanks ever so much for all the information!

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  2. I pray that everything in the background does get sorted out for you. Focus all your energy, just for now, on the healing of your body. Being a mother you tend to give all of yourself to others. Take a moment for yourself to allow yourself to heal. Pray, pray, pray. The Lord will carry you thru the bad times.

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    1. Thanks. My family has taken over the issue so I can concentrate on getting well. I'm able to open my lungs a bit more. Still not out of the woods but I'm looking at it as a positive. I'm having a couch day and crocheting today :-). Number one son wants a snuggle day :-)

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  3. I pray that everything in the background does get sorted out for you. Focus all your energy, just for now, on the healing of your body. Being a mother you tend to give all of yourself to others. Take a moment for yourself to allow yourself to heal. Pray, pray, pray. The Lord will carry you thru the bad times.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear about how serious your illness is! You and your family will be in my prayers! You are not alone! Take the time you need to get yourself better!

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    1. Thank you for your beautiful message. I am feeling slightly better. Me and my son are having a snuggle day on the couch. I'm all wrapped up and keeping warm.

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  5. I hope and pray that all goes well. I hope that the infection goes away. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family during this difficult time. Continue to hold your head up and know that this too shall pass.
    Many blessings to you friend.

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    1. Thank you. I can inflate my lung better today. i'm looking at it as a positive. I'm feeling a lot more positive now I can breathe a bit better. i'm not out of the woods but I'm on the way up.

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  6. We are here praying for you too dearest friend. As I already know what is going on in the background, let me tell you to forget it. Let daddy take care of you, that's what daddys are for after all. And always know that I am here for you, listening, praying and loving you for you. We will all be waiting patiently for you to come back with your wonderful designs and goodies you find for us. Take care of your self and we will be here when you come back.

    <3
    Melissa

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    1. You are the best!!! Feeling a bit better today. Still not out of the woods but hoping I'm on the way up. Little red wants a snuggle pj day so it sounds like a good idea to me.

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  7. Bless you sweetie, I pray that all the things will soon be solved. Take comfort in your crochet & designing. If you need help getting yarn just tell us, we would do all we can to help. I'm sure most are like me, not rich,but I know I could afford to send you a few skeins of yarn. The one thing that will help any problem; a hug from a friend. huggggggggg
    LindY

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    1. Lindy - you are so kind. To be honest I have hidden stashes all over the house ;-). Well what hubby doesn't know can't hurt him. i'm feeling slightly better today. i'm looking it as a positive and planning on a snuggle day with my son watching movies in our pjs & me crocheting whilst I watch the chipmunks for the 1000th time. Thanks ever so much! Sue x

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  8. Hi Sue, was touched by your passion and I believe that comes from being a strong and courageous person so just "keep on, keeping on" which is the same advice I got from our preacher when I hit rock bottom. I feel your pain when you said that it's hard when you know your son can't do things because of you; I'm a mother too, a struggling single mom at that. Crocheting and blogging has helped me a lot too, as a mother and as a human being.

    You'll be in my prayers. I wanted to share something I wrote recently which could help you in some way but since I couldn't upload it here, you may check it here http://bit.ly/Z9GhMy

    Hugs,
    Milli

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    1. Milli,

      Thank you ever so much! I've been able to inflate my lungs enough to start crocheting again - it's always a plus. I'm not out of the woods but I'm hoping it's the road to recovery.

      Sue
      x

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  9. Sue, don't let the crap in life weigh you down. You have enough to deal with already. There are people out there that will try and take what little joy you have in life, like a hobby, and destroy it just so they can say you truly have nothing. Ignore them and their comments and stupid letters.
    Find a specialist, get a referral if you have to. It sounds to me like you already have COPD and you need to be taken care of by someone who knows what it's all about and knows about the various treatments. I've been battling pneumonia off and on since before Christmas, and my doc put me on Fluticasone inhaler to keep the smaller alveolars of the lungs free of infection. Because when those get infected, then it's really bad and yes, there's not much that works.
    Your son is young, he knows you love him very much. Sometimes, peer pressure will make him say things he really doesn't mean. Let it slide, he still loves you very very much. Don't take on the guilt of not being able to do everything, or get him everything, there's no need for it. The fact that you care is enough.
    AS for your house, to hell with it! I went through that when I began to not be able to keep up and it has become filthy. Focus on your health, your family, your crocheting and blogging. Save your energy for those things that matter. You spent so much time while you were healthier helping others. It's time to call in those favours now. And if no one can come, so be it.
    Consider asking your doctor to see a therapist. I know that sounds crazy, but if there is a free program available for people with chronic diseases, I'd take advantage of it. Because it's nice to be able to get things off your chest. Keeping everything inside, hiding it, not talking about it is frustrating and will weigh you down. You don't need that extra stuff just festering away in there.
    Suffering from a chronic disease, any disease is hard on the body, the mind, and the family. That is the price we pay; but focus on the love of your son for you; for the caring of those people who are there for you and that will help you more than anything else.
    I think of you all the time, love seeing your new designs. I don't always say something, but know that I always see them and they always make me smile/laugh and make me feel better.
    HUGS and much LOVE
    Angel

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    1. Angel,
      Thank you ever so much! I'm seeing a councillor at the moment at the moment. She is really proud of me and is getting me to focus on the positives and take more compliments. i've been able to inflate my lungs again so am feeling more human. I think it only got to me so much because I was so tired and just couldn't do anything. Now I can breathe a bit better things are feeling more on an even keel. I've still got the infection so I can't say I'm fixed but I'm hoping it's a good sign. I've got an appointment on Tuesday with the dr that knows more about all my conditions. We are going to discuss my current treatment and where we go for here. Unfortunately our NHS is in debt which is meaning it's very difficult to get appointments now. They are even thinking of closing down 5 of the A&E's round here. The thing that winds me up is the fact they made me have the pneuomonia jab and my lungs haven't been right since.
      My dad has taken the stress out of my hands and they won't be upsetting me directly again. I'm hoping now my dad has taken everything on things might get sorted. My dad kicks butt.
      Thanks for your beautiful words!

      Sue
      x

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  10. I hope you can sort some of the back ground stress, make it easier to deal with staying as well as you can. (((hugs)))

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  11. My goodness Sue I had no idea you were going through such hardship. I love to hear from you but if it's better that you rest, please let that come first so that you can recover. The way you said the dr said it's serious but is there a chance to come back from this is you can get rid of the stress and get some rest? I am praying for you Sue and I really hope you get well!

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    1. Candy,

      Thanks! I'm feeling happier as I can inflate my lungs. Still got the infection but I am taking it as a positive sign. Thank you for your comments. I'm seeing my Dr on Tuesday so we are going to see where we go from here. Now I can breathe a little better i can crochet again and that always makes things better :-).

      Sue

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  12. Take care of yourself and don't pay any mind to your detractors. I know its easier said than done, but I've got the t-shirt. You have to focus on yourself. Worrying about other things will make your health worse. Take care of you :)

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    1. Thank you. My family has taken the stress over and keeping me resting and warm. Me and my son are having a pj snuggle day so things are looking up ;-)

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    1. Thank you! Feeling slightly better today so fingers crossed.

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  14. I am so happy to hear that you have the great support of your father. I am keeping and sending positive thoughts and energy so that your health continues to improve. There are so many of us out here pulling for you. Hoping that you will soon feel better with the proper rest, nourishment, and care. ❤❤❤

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    1. Thank you. It has meant sooo much to me that I have all your support! It's at times like these you realise just how special it is to have you all here.

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  15. Take care and rest up!!!!!!! Thank you for all you do with crocheting board etc!!!!!!! Don't let negative people get you down! Focus on the positive and that we all appreciate everything you do!

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    1. Thank you! It has meant so much for me to have all your support! It has really touched me.
      Sue
      x

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Thanks Sue