Thank You

If you don't laugh you'll cry!

Ok at the moment I'm doing both!

Things have been getting on top of me and I decided I was going to write about it here.
One thing after another built up and I lost it.
I was crying whilst writing the post it had got to me so much.
Then the computer crashed and I lost everything I typed.
Instead of crying more I decided to laugh.

Sometimes in life everything just keeps kicking you!
There is nothing you can do to stop it and it's usually the people who do the right thing it happens to!

I worry about everything

• Is my taking holidays instead of sick going to cost me everything?
• Will I end up loosing my job and everything else with it?
• Will me typing this blog and using the internet be used against me?
• Will my husband stay with me when I am just a burden?
• Will my son loose out on a lot of things in life because of my illness
• Will my illness mean I miss out on things my son does.
• Will I fail to meet the standards for benefits if I loose my job
• Will we loose the house.
• Should I fight this disability even more so that I become more disabled and then I meet the guidelines?

There is one common thing with the above, I can't really do anything to change it and even if I did i would probably end up worse off.

This crash has made me realize a few things.  If I carry on fighting this disability I will end up more disabled than I already am.

It would not be fair to me, my son or my husband if I end up bed bound just so I can tick a box on a form to get help.

Someone said to me a while ago:

"shouldn't your house be kept as clean as possible as you are so prone to catching infections"

HOW THE H**L can I keep a house clean and spotless when I suffer from CFS.

The fatigue in itself, not counting the pain and everything else stops me from doing that.

I haven't hoovered my stairs for 6 months because when I do it takes me out of action for 3 days.

I have to do what I can when I can.

My husband has already taken on the sole responsibility for walking the dog twice a day.

Preparing most of the meals. Doing most of the shopping.

Cleaning the kitchen, bathing my son.  he even gets my son changed at swimming because I struggle.

YES I LOOK NORMAL! YES I SMILE, LAUGH and TALK NORMALLY!

That's because what is the point in putting you down with my problems.

I am who I am and I have dealt with this disease for 6 years on my own.

I don't shout from the roof tops but I think I'm going to start!

Yes I do go on the computer, yes I do enter giveaways but that's because

I try to find positive things I can manage!

I love life, I love making things and I love things other people have made.

I love the smile in my sons eyes when he has made something with me.

I love talking to my blogger/internet friends and the blogger/internet world.

You have made an isolated lonely person feel loved, appreciated and alive!

I really want to thank you all for making me

realize that enjoying what you can when you can

shouldn't be wrong and that I am worth something!

I'm sorry this is another rant and another wordy one at that

but I wanted you to know that in a short space of time you

have helped me so much!

I am having the biggest crash of this disease, I may have more serious conditions as well

and yet I have managed to carry on thanks to you!

I hope to find some crafty time and energy soon and provide you with another free pattern.

I hope to do it soon just to say thank you for being there!

P.S.  I am waiting on some things being delivered but as soon as they are I will be having

a giveaway just to say thank you as well.

THANK YOU !